"I am standing at the door, knocking;
if you hear my voice and open the door,
I will come in to you and eat with you and you with me"
Revelation Chapter 3 verse 20 NRSV
From the age of 16 until I turned 21 I went to our Sunday afternoon youth group and the 7.15pm Night Church Service.
Our Minister was not eloquent but faithfully opened up the scriptures and chose rousing hymns. He dared to state
"the word of God is for men and woman today"
He would often refer to the large stained glass window in front of us."Jesus, light of the world
which depicted the crowned King Jesus, holding a lamp to light our path,
whilst knocking at the door of our hearts. I looked up, longing for Jesus to come into my heart,
yet I felt He had only come into the foyer of my heart, yet we were there sipping tea ( as promised in Rev 3:23)
It is not uncommon for boys who, like me, were sexually abused in our childhood not not disclose until our middle age years.
A Christian psychologist said "when the pain exceeds the shame"" Personally I just wanted to know.
The fact was that my painful memories were locked behind a vault door guarded by fear, guilt and shame.
when the fear guilt and shame .where removed through a long process of ministry and prayer,
and the door finally opened ( another story) memories flooded out.
I prayed for a washing of my heart,
Jesus shone His light into the dark places of my memories and my heart.
Yes, I had finally opened the door and Jesus Christ came in.
May we open our hearts to Jesus Christ
praying He will heal our broken hearts.
I keep praying for a fulfillment of Isaiah 61 - may the Lord God heal our broken hearts
and set us free from the captivity, breaking the chains left after sexual abuse.
( fear, negative thoughts, disempowering thoughts, fear of rejection etc)
The page Symptoms of abuse may assist those starting on the journey of recovery.
Some have sought to write steps of recovery. In fact my first question to my counsellor
was "What are the steps of recovery?"
being told "there are none" was unhelpful. it left me feeling abandonded
yet I put my hope in God
and prayed for steps of recovery.
I have written several versions of this
however talking with other survivors I felt that whilst having a basic framework is helpful
and whilst the AA 12 steps contains some transferable concepts
that recovery from trauma whilst being progressive
is not necessarily sequencial.
I found I would go so far when other issues would surface.
so I have written these sites not to be read through - that would be overwhelming.
but to have starting points or gateway sites to chose from
which lead to issues which I located, which surface along the way.
Our recovery from trauma tends to be very much an individual one
because there are so many variables both in the trauma, the context of the trauma,
However, I commend asking Jesus to come into our hearts.
He is our saviour, our redeemer.
One Christian survivor wisely said that recovery from sexual abuse for Christians
is a part of sanctification.
I certainly have undertaken this exploration of my recovery from csa in the belief
that The Lord God challenged me to do so.
So I do so trusting in Him. ( Proverbs 3 v 6; Matthew 6 v 33)
Hoping in Him ( Psalm 40 v 11)
opening our hearts to Him
praying for answers
praying for a fulfillment of Isaiah 61 ( that He will heal our broken hearts and set captives free)
asking God to restore our souls.
so look around this site and my linked sites
my prayer is that you may find your pathway to recovery
and the release of trauma from your life.
My testimony is written to glorify God for what He has done and is doing in my life.
aspects may be helpful, however I am not suggesting my particular recovery should be prescriptive.
as we "search the scriptures", we see God's creativity, we see how He interacts with different people
in different ways. one size doesn't fit all
So This page is a gateway site, leading to various steps and processes,
and other Gateway Sites, such as:
Recovering to Love God and our neighbour.
Disclaimer. It is a condition that these pages will be read on the understanding
that I am writing as a Christian survivor for Christian survivors
there is a read at your own risk policy
Whilst these pages may be of assistance
trauma informed Pastoral Care ( if available) may be helpful.
though sadly many Churches avoid trauma informed ministry
or are simply not aware it exists.
many Christians are still in denial that sexual abuse is so prevelant.
I write this not to be critical but to not create unreal expectations.
I have been blessed to be comforted and prayed for by many Pastors.
at the same time other Pastors and Christians simply don't want to know.
So I write to provide what assistance I can and what insights I have to date.
and trauma release and/or sexual assault counselling.
I have provided links below. I am aware that many survivors have little or no resources
I have very much written these pages for you.
If you find that you are triggered
please ring a helpline such as Lifeline or a sexual assault helpline.
In Australia Lifeline is 13 11 14
and many teaching hospitals or regional hospitals have sexual assault units.
under the heading "Finding Help and Support" lists support services in Australia
. 1 in 6 is an international site for men the site has many articles and a chat facility.
It is my prayer that these pages equip you a little more for your journey.
It is not easy.
It can get very hard, requiring much effort. Wrestle, fight and pray. ( to quote the hymn)
a few thoughts about forgiveness.
Do forgive - it washes away the puss of bitterness and resentment.
unfortunately many Pastors and Christians first response is to impose forgiveness.
it can be simplistic. I find such universalism unhelpful.
whilst some have been praying for healing found healing followed forgiving
it is presumption to suggest this will automatically occur.
I do believe that Jesus died as a substitute. What was done to us was extreme.
The death of Jesus Christ on the cross was even more extreme.
On the other hand Jesus warned of a terrible judgement to those who harm children (Luke 17v2)
sometimes repeat sexual offenders have a morally reprobate mind - no thought of changing.
Also I advise against forced or imposed or premature forgiveness.
I needed to access my memory of what I was forgiving in order to specifically forgive.
everything has a season ( Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 )
God showed me a vision of going into Hospital Emergency Dept with a length of wood that had wounded me
the nurses washed the pass ( resentment) away but did left the object,
so the abrasion produced more puss to be washed away.
clearly the sword of abuse needs to be removed.
What is this sword of abuse and it's nature or make up?
I was over time given glimpses of it but on reflection I'd leave it to you to find out.
I suggest it's part of the discovery along your road of recovery.
Perhaps I might best suggest you and I ask our savior to help us,
to comfort us
to restore our souls
to show us the next step along the way.
It is written "Faith is in things unseen" eg Hebrews Chapter 11.
the journey of recovery from sexual trauma for a Christian, I suggest, is a journey of faith,
where all to often the end ( other than our hope of a home in heaven and our salvation) is unseen
where the next step or the path ahead is all too often unseen.
Hope in God.
Ask Him to shine His light
pray without ceasing. ( 1 Thessalonians 5 v 17 )
and search the scriptures - there are layers of insights.
as the evangelical scholar John Stott said "let scripture interpret scripture"
often the understanding of a passage is elsewhere in scripture.
May the Lord be with you
God bless
Nathan
nathan@menopeningheartstojesus.com